Dear Parent,

I penned the words to Why Are You My Mother? in December 2004, only days after my husband and I learned that we had been chosen as Joanna's forever family. She had been in foster care since she was only a few months old, and in her four-year journey through the child welfare system, Joanna not only experienced neglect from her birth family, but also rejection resulting from two failed adoption placements.

My heart was thoroughly vested. Beyond my longing to love and mother her for the rest of her life, I also felt a need to prove myself to her, to earn her trust, and to help her overcome the unimaginable, heart-wrenching experiences that had become engrained in her memory since birth. Because I realized that those experiences, to some extent, defined her outlook on life and her view of people in general, I knew it was important to address head-on, rather than disregard or shelf, those defining moments.

I have always valued books for many reasons, chief among them the ability to approach sensitive matters with just the right words at hand. Receiving the good news from Joanna's caseworker led me to my local bookstore to find stories that expressed what I was feeling for this special, loving and broken child. I was hoping to find a resource that would help me find the inspiration and courage to say just the right things. I wanted to acknowledge that I understood where she was coming from, and that life hadn't been easy for her, but that our adoption of her meant that she was never going away again, and life would get better. I wanted to state outright that I was willing to earn her trust and show her what it means to be a family - a forever family.

Through my bookstore research, I discovered that the adoption books for young children available at the time were primarily limited to issues related to international adoptions and those that I call "sing-songy" books celebrating the joys of adoption day. While each of the books touched upon a specific aspect of adoption and served its individual purpose - in fact, I bought one of each for my own library - I felt that children's books related to foster-to-adopt situations were limited, if not nonexistent. They provided clever words and precious illustrations, but they didn't help me face Joanna's adoption with the confidence I needed to say the right things to her. I felt Joanna deserved words expressing both unconditional love and heartfelt honesty, and in particular, acknowledgement of issues related to her four-year stint in foster care.

Late one night, while tapping away at my keyboard, I found all the right words and pulled them from somewhere deep within my soul. I found myself answering the question Why Are You My Mother? as if she were asking me. After all, within a couple of months, Joanna would be calling me Mom - the fifth, in her case - and she had just met me. The story that exists today, entitled Why Are You My Mother?, gently acknowledges that foster care has been a difficult journey for my child, but it also presents hope for her future as an eternal member of our family. Furthermore, it expresses and demonstrates my lifetime promise of unconditional love.

Over time, through interaction with other foster-to-adopt parents and hearing similar stories from them, I have found the inspiration and the courage to share Why Are You My Mother? with others. I envision that the words I wrote in this story describe sentiments shared by adoptive parents like me. It is therefore my hope that Why Are You My Mother? will serve as a resource for you - when your child's welfare system experience tugs at your heartstrings and deserves acknowledgement, when you are faced with proving yourself time and time again, and when you are winded by the uphill climb to earn the trust of a broken child. I hope that it provides for you the ability to approach a sensitive matter with just the right words at hand.

Warm Regards,

Deborah Hamilton
Author